Baking Disaster

Don’t bake when your frustrated, upset, or just finished a phone interview. This is a tale tale sign of a disaster when baking. How should I know well I just did it and now I’m more frustrated, upset and went from a good baker to a mediocre wannabe. You know I’m failing at baking when the beer comes out half way through because I can’t take the look of what is coming out of the oven. Yes they look pretty don’t they but let me tell you there is an evil side to these so called peanut butter cookies…they don’t taste like peanut butter cookies!

I should really start this story off on the right foot (okay sort of on the right foot). The Kiddo asked me to make peanut butter cookies that have the crisscross fork pattern. I said “done and done”. This was after he told me “I like your baking, but I Love your cooking”, and yes I’m still confused if this is a compliment or a poke at my cooking abilities. I’m from SOCAL the land where you can BBQ any time of the year and that is how I prefer most of my food prepared. I have no BBQ living in an apartment where I feel someone would steel it off my porch (yes I’m very un-trusting). But back to my baking adventure. ..

I should have known right off the bat getting a recipes off the internet that someone says “is there grandma’s only recipe they wrote down” was a bad idea. Maybe she only wrote it down because it was the only thing she could bake that was edible? I’m sorry I’m being mean but come on!!! Secret Family recipes are a joke if they were a secret I would never be able to make my Great Grandma’s Chocolate Chip Cookies (KFC, Hersey, and other big name products don’t count). Public knowledge now that it’s posted on the internet (or is it?). Needless to say I continue to believe that if this recipe is this old it must be good go buy some Crisco and get going Kiddo will be here in a couple hours.

Now for the good part the baking. I start just like the recipe says and start mixing. Then I start to get a little scared. I can remember making these as a kid and the batter wasn’t so “dry”. And I swear there was no white sugar in the recipe my mom used. This is the point where I grab the Crisco and check out their recipes. Now I’m telling you right now you can NEVER go wrong with the recipes printed on the back of main ingredients like Crisco (make sure you get the brand name) Nestlé Toll House, ect. They have been on the backs of the ingredient for longer than I have been alive there must be a reason the recipe hasn’t changed! And to my amazement no white sugar on the Crisco recipe. “Oh, no this isn’t going to be good” is the first thing that came to my mind. I continue with the mixing get the baking sheets out. Well this is where things got interesting I put the cookies in the oven and began to read “I like you” By Amy Sedaris a Hilarious take on entertaining. I think this is when it went down hill. I started to burn the cookies because I was reading and giggling and reading and giggling. What it was more entertaining than the cookies. First batch comes out and they look flat, flatter than what I remember them looking like. Then I take a bite. “Where is that cup of Peanut Butter I put in these cookies” I think as I debate spitting it out of my mouth. Rule #1 on Peanut Butter cookies don’t Skimp on the Peanut Butter always buy the full fat stuff its always better! Rule #2 talk to mom about the recipe before baking or better yet go to a good bakery and try to find the cookie you are going to make and taste test it so you have something to compare to. Trying to remember what these tasted like is like trying to teach my 6 fish (yup one died) to do loop de loops in the fish bowl, it isn’t gonna happen.

I decided to keep going and bake some more maybe its just the cook time. So pile more on the cookie sheet and start baking. This batch comes out they look pretty good but they are now huge. Note these cookies are deceivingly small before entering the oven. Upon exit they are at least twice as big as they were before they went in. The next thing I notice is how FLAT the cookies are. Wait why is the picture depicting fluffy cookies and mine are flat. I have yet to figure this out does Baking Soda expire?

At this point I’ve given up on the cookies and safety. Beer going down the hatch and me proceeding to touch hot baking sheets burning the tips of my fingers. Oh yes this is just gets more interesting by the minute. I put the cookies in a nice bowl to at least get some presentation point cause I’m gonna get some pretty strict criticism in the taste category.

I’m almost done cooking and note there is not really enough cookie dough for 2 cookies. What to do what to do. Well the cookies already don’t taste good and don’t look like the picture slap it on the cookie sheet and cook it all at once. Burn the ginormous cookie. And your DONE.

The one thing I have learned from this is if Kiddo wants cookies he should do the dishes its only fair. So they are waiting patiently soiled in the sink for him to wash and dry. I’m just glad they photograph well (so if you just want to photograph the cookies and not eat them this is your recipe). Other than that this was a failure. I will try to get the recipe from my Home Ec Teacher Mother who by the Grace of GOD will have a WINNER.

PS I hope you enjoyed my first NOVEL.